Today I had a barium enema test done. No fun at all, see previous blog. Yesterday wasn't so great. I had to take laxatives and then drink that weird fizzy drink to clear my bowels out completely. All I could have was clear juices, jello and clear broth. By two o'clock in the afternoon, I was going crazy with hunger. I checked my prep instructions again to see if I had misunderstood the food restrictions. the List said: Restriction to clear liquids the day prior to procedure. Hmmmm...did that mean only clear liquids with my meals as opposed to milk? It was possible I had misunderstood the instructions. To be sure, I called the phone number provided at the bottom of my list.
Here's how the conversation went:
Me: Hi, I'm have a barium enema done tomorrow and I just wanted to be clear on the food restrictions.
Woman Who Answered the Phone: You are restricted to a clear liquids diet the day before your test.
Me: Does that mean I can't have food.
W.H.A.T.P: It means that you are restricted to a clear liquids diet for the day, and nothing to eat or drink after midnight.
Me: uh unh. So....I can only drink clear liquids, no food, right?
W.H.A.T.P: I means you are to have only clear liquids. You can also have jello if you wish.
Me: So... no toast or anything.
W.H.A.T.P. (with incredible patience): That's right dear, just liquids.
Me: Okay, Thanks
W.H.A.T.P: No problem. Bye
Hunger makes me stupid.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Can Barium Enemas be Funny, Depends on how you look at it.
Because I have the misfortune of being anemic, I was instructed to have a barium enema test done. Below is a brief description of the procedure from hell.
A barium enema is a procedure used to examine and diagnose problems with the human colon (large intestine). X-ray pictures are taken while barium sulfate fills the colon via the rectum. The patient lies on the x-ray table and a preliminary X-ray is taken. The patient is then asked to lie on the side while a well lubricated enema tube is inserted into the rectum. As the enema enters the body, the patient might have the sensation that their stomach is being filled. A small balloon at the tip of the enema tube may be inflated to help keep the barium inside. The flow of the barium is monitored by the health care provider on an X-ray screen (like a TV monitor). Air may be puffed into the colon to distend it and provide better images (often called a "double-contrast" exam).
The above is courtesy of Wikipedia www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/barium_enema
The prep that I had to go through the day before, taking laxatives, and drinking that horrible drink and having to run and I MEAN RUN to the bathroom several times was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to this. I sort of knew what to expect and yet I really didn't see the horror of it all coming. Once I was on the rather cold table, the enema was brought out, see above paragraph as to the procedure. Talk about the feeling of discomfort. It made all my other problems seem really minor by comparison.
Once the barium is in your cramping bowels, you have to turn over on the narrow table so that the barium coats your entire large intestine. So now, not only do you experience an invasive discomfort in the you-know-where, you also now have to worry about not falling off the table which suddenly seems a lot narrower. Then air gets pumped into you to expand your already uncomfortable abdomen. At this point I'm telling myself to think of my happy place and then I remember that, darn it, I haven't really established what my happy place was going to be (though anywhere but where I was at the moment would have been a happy place). Would it be the beach...or...perhaps....a hike in the woods...or....well at least this takes my mind of my current situation which is definitely NOT a day at the beach.
The x-ray machine takes picture after picture, while I have to turn to the left, then to the right, then all around, then back to the left and so on and on and on....
By now I'm feeling clammy and cold because of the chilly room temperatures. The exam room is kept cool for the equipment, but we tough humans don't have such finicky needs, I guess. I'm feeling weak because all I had yesterday was liquids and nothing at all today. At this point I'm really feeling sorry for myself, until a vivid picture of what this must look like flashes in my mind. Here I am on a table in a stupid white gown, with a hose coming out my butt. Now that's funny, but it will never be funny enough that I would EVER want to repeat the procedure just for the laughs.
A barium enema is a procedure used to examine and diagnose problems with the human colon (large intestine). X-ray pictures are taken while barium sulfate fills the colon via the rectum. The patient lies on the x-ray table and a preliminary X-ray is taken. The patient is then asked to lie on the side while a well lubricated enema tube is inserted into the rectum. As the enema enters the body, the patient might have the sensation that their stomach is being filled. A small balloon at the tip of the enema tube may be inflated to help keep the barium inside. The flow of the barium is monitored by the health care provider on an X-ray screen (like a TV monitor). Air may be puffed into the colon to distend it and provide better images (often called a "double-contrast" exam).
The above is courtesy of Wikipedia www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/barium_enema
The prep that I had to go through the day before, taking laxatives, and drinking that horrible drink and having to run and I MEAN RUN to the bathroom several times was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to this. I sort of knew what to expect and yet I really didn't see the horror of it all coming. Once I was on the rather cold table, the enema was brought out, see above paragraph as to the procedure. Talk about the feeling of discomfort. It made all my other problems seem really minor by comparison.
Once the barium is in your cramping bowels, you have to turn over on the narrow table so that the barium coats your entire large intestine. So now, not only do you experience an invasive discomfort in the you-know-where, you also now have to worry about not falling off the table which suddenly seems a lot narrower. Then air gets pumped into you to expand your already uncomfortable abdomen. At this point I'm telling myself to think of my happy place and then I remember that, darn it, I haven't really established what my happy place was going to be (though anywhere but where I was at the moment would have been a happy place). Would it be the beach...or...perhaps....a hike in the woods...or....well at least this takes my mind of my current situation which is definitely NOT a day at the beach.
The x-ray machine takes picture after picture, while I have to turn to the left, then to the right, then all around, then back to the left and so on and on and on....
By now I'm feeling clammy and cold because of the chilly room temperatures. The exam room is kept cool for the equipment, but we tough humans don't have such finicky needs, I guess. I'm feeling weak because all I had yesterday was liquids and nothing at all today. At this point I'm really feeling sorry for myself, until a vivid picture of what this must look like flashes in my mind. Here I am on a table in a stupid white gown, with a hose coming out my butt. Now that's funny, but it will never be funny enough that I would EVER want to repeat the procedure just for the laughs.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I have to what?
Had my blood work done recently for my annual checkup (though I use the word annual loosely). Hubby had his done too. Results, his were totally fine. Mine...well I guess I'm low on iron, got a low hemoglobin count etc. That would account for the fact that I have been feeling really tired lately. My doctor wants to find out why my red blood cells are doing a disappearing act so he has recommended a couple of tests for me. #1 was to take stool samples with what looked like popsicle sticks. That was fun. #2 I have to take a barium enema x-ray. Barium and enema are two words I would just as soon not be part of my life. A couple of people I know have been through this ordeal and hinted that it was no day at the beach. yay. I've got to do this on Aug 28th. I'm counting the hours. Since I'm having to go right to the other end of the city from where I live I have been advised to Know Where Available Public Bathrooms Are. I'm probably being a wuss about this, but I really dislike discomfort.
Friday, August 8, 2008
The Secret
When I first read The Secret I thought what a load of simplistic crap--knee jerk reaction I know. It's premise is: focus on what you want and you will get it. Visualize it and it will happen, blah blah blah.
Well, I want to be a published author of supernatural fiction, but after a few false starts I realized I wasn't getting anywhere in the world of authorship. Didn't really have a story outline or anything. I don't think I'm very good at sentence structure. Ernest Hemingway is not in my blood. So much for visualizing me finishing a super great novel. Booooo The Secret.
But wait a minute. I'm writing this blog...6 months ago I didn't even know what blogs were, much less that I'd be writing one.
OK, so I'm not writing a best selling fiction novel (Dean Koontz does not have to worry about competition from me...yet).
OK I'm not published, but there are people reading this blog. Well, my family reads this blog, sometimes.
OK The Secret's law of attraction theory didn't quite work out the way I visualized, but I am writing, people are reading this (at least there is a potential that people outside my family will read this) and most important of all, I am really enjoying blogging (using my creative juices, pulp and all).
Maybe there is something to the Secret after all.
There is a saying "Do what you love, the money will follow" we'll see...
Well, I want to be a published author of supernatural fiction, but after a few false starts I realized I wasn't getting anywhere in the world of authorship. Didn't really have a story outline or anything. I don't think I'm very good at sentence structure. Ernest Hemingway is not in my blood. So much for visualizing me finishing a super great novel. Booooo The Secret.
But wait a minute. I'm writing this blog...6 months ago I didn't even know what blogs were, much less that I'd be writing one.
OK, so I'm not writing a best selling fiction novel (Dean Koontz does not have to worry about competition from me...yet).
OK I'm not published, but there are people reading this blog. Well, my family reads this blog, sometimes.
OK The Secret's law of attraction theory didn't quite work out the way I visualized, but I am writing, people are reading this (at least there is a potential that people outside my family will read this) and most important of all, I am really enjoying blogging (using my creative juices, pulp and all).
Maybe there is something to the Secret after all.
There is a saying "Do what you love, the money will follow" we'll see...
When will I ever learn?
Went miniature golfing again with my man, Mephostopheles. I'm not even going to talk about what my score was, I am too ashamed. And, no, I didn't win. I hate miniature golfing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)