Because I have the misfortune of being anemic, I was instructed to have a barium enema test done. Below is a brief description of the procedure from hell.
A barium enema is a procedure used to examine and diagnose problems with the human colon (large intestine). X-ray pictures are taken while barium sulfate fills the colon via the rectum. The patient lies on the x-ray table and a preliminary X-ray is taken. The patient is then asked to lie on the side while a well lubricated enema tube is inserted into the rectum. As the enema enters the body, the patient might have the sensation that their stomach is being filled. A small balloon at the tip of the enema tube may be inflated to help keep the barium inside. The flow of the barium is monitored by the health care provider on an X-ray screen (like a TV monitor). Air may be puffed into the colon to distend it and provide better images (often called a "double-contrast" exam).
The above is courtesy of Wikipedia www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/barium_enema
The prep that I had to go through the day before, taking laxatives, and drinking that horrible drink and having to run and I MEAN RUN to the bathroom several times was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to this. I sort of knew what to expect and yet I really didn't see the horror of it all coming. Once I was on the rather cold table, the enema was brought out, see above paragraph as to the procedure. Talk about the feeling of discomfort. It made all my other problems seem really minor by comparison.
Once the barium is in your cramping bowels, you have to turn over on the narrow table so that the barium coats your entire large intestine. So now, not only do you experience an invasive discomfort in the you-know-where, you also now have to worry about not falling off the table which suddenly seems a lot narrower. Then air gets pumped into you to expand your already uncomfortable abdomen. At this point I'm telling myself to think of my happy place and then I remember that, darn it, I haven't really established what my happy place was going to be (though anywhere but where I was at the moment would have been a happy place). Would it be the beach...or...perhaps....a hike in the woods...or....well at least this takes my mind of my current situation which is definitely NOT a day at the beach.
The x-ray machine takes picture after picture, while I have to turn to the left, then to the right, then all around, then back to the left and so on and on and on....
By now I'm feeling clammy and cold because of the chilly room temperatures. The exam room is kept cool for the equipment, but we tough humans don't have such finicky needs, I guess. I'm feeling weak because all I had yesterday was liquids and nothing at all today. At this point I'm really feeling sorry for myself, until a vivid picture of what this must look like flashes in my mind. Here I am on a table in a stupid white gown, with a hose coming out my butt. Now that's funny, but it will never be funny enough that I would EVER want to repeat the procedure just for the laughs.
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