When things don't go as expected

I don't know, maybe I was being a tad unrealistic, but I was expecting sales to be more than this. OK, I know that this is the slowest retail season of the year. OK, I know that the economy has been kicked in the teeth and we are all suffering from this unpleasant state of affairs. Logically I realize that slow sales (or as in today's case) almost no sales is to be expected. But, dammit, my business bank account has taken a nose dive, bills are coming in and I have a vague feeling that the people that sent these bills are expecting to be paid.

There has been a definite feeling of self-doubt floating in the air. Optimism has suffered a blow. Worry and anxiety are taking residence within my head while shoving out confidence and self-esteem.

Now, if this was happening to a friend while I cosily was raking in the moolah, or at least meeting my financial obligations, I would be saying to Friend "The universe is just testing you. Keep believing in yourself and what you do, and the money will come. This is just a temporary state, things will get better. Listen to Esther Hicks and her Law of Attraction books." Today, If I were the said "Friend", I would probably punch me in the mouth, or, being non-violent would probably say to me to go fly a kite (of something slightly more profane).

Obviously this is not the right attitude to have, but it is an attitude that has been creeping in lately. "Reality is an illusion" HAH tell that to the phone company. "Visualize what you want and feeeeellll like it has already happened--HAH tell that to the landlord.

These negative and pissed off attitudes have been my companions these last couple of weeks. And you know what, though they reflect what I really feel, they have not done anything for me except feed into my self-pity and FEAR.

So, even though it is going to be next to impossible (did I mention a sore jaw (TMJ?) and hemorroids) I am going to eat (when it doesn't hurt too much), breathe, live and affirm that everything will work out, sales will be made to meet my financial goals, and that I already feeeelll like a prosperous, savy business woman.

I can't hurt (much). All I know is that my present state of FEAR is poison to me emotionally and physically.

The Law of Attraction doesn't work when...

The Law of Attraction doesn't work when you don't really know what the heck you want. I believe that LOA works. It makes sense to me. I've read The Field by Lynn McTaggart, some of those concepts resonate. But I've had a problem with the Law of Attraction. I really didn't know what I wanted. Oh, I thought I did (2 million dollars for starters) but, really, I realize now that this was not what I really wanted.

It's true.

Oh sure, having this amount of money would solve a lot of problems, but then what?

This money would buy me trips, clothes, nice home, car etc, but then what?

OK, well a new wii, new tv, nice furniture and new flooring to replace our quickly fading carpet, but then what?

Well, sure, a new laptop, probably an opportunity to have my own store, tickets to the theatre, but then what?

I realized, that I didn't want the money. That's too easy. What I want is the inspiration, creativity and genius to generate that amount of money. I want the excitement of coming up with an idea, a creative work of genius to excite me to my very foundation. And a comfortable income. That's what I want.

New affirmation: I am divinely inspired with creative ideas and prosperous actions.

Good, good vibrations

OK, some may have noticed that my snarlyness surfaced in yesterday's blog. I was having a grumpy day. So, I put out to the heavens that I'd like some relief from all this angst, and God and the Universe answered me. The first thing to happen was that I had the pleasure of watching Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life video. I was expecting a shallow and simplistic rendition a la "The Secret" (yeah, I go back and forth on that one), but what I got instead was a movie that was well put together, that was really uplifting and put hope in my heart. It actually made me cry, but in a good way.

The Second thing to happen, was that I actually followed up on my plans to attend the London Gem and Mineral Society meeting last night. You see, I had planned on doing this for the last six months, but whenever the night arrived (the meeting is the first Thursday of every month) I would either forget about it, or I would decide that I just didn't feel like going (I normally don't like to go anywhere after supper where my evening gassiness might rear it's ugly head). But this time I was bound and determined to go no matter what (kind of like keeping that dentist appointment). I wasn't really looking forward to it, after all the guest speaker was going to talk about trilobites, not one of my major interests, but no matter, I was going and that was that. I can be a real killjoy when it comes to fun outings. I've cancelled a lot of planned events due to my lack of adventure (and I suspect, shyness).

Well, the meeting was really interesting and dare I say it, I had a great time. My husband did too. I was suffused with a joie de vivre that I hadn't experienced in a while. Maybe living like a hermit is not always good. Anyhow, Derek and I are now official members of the London Gem and Mineral Society. I can't wait till the next one where a guest speaker will talk about meteorites (ooooh shiver of anticipation up and down my spine).

If anyone who lives near or in London Ontario is reading this post and interested in attending the next meeting, it will be held at the Sir Frederick Banting High School, Rm 137, 125 Sherwood Forest Square, London Ontario (near Wonderland and Gainsborough Rds). It will be on the first Thursday of the month (except in January). If you have any questions call 519-245-2741 or check out the website @ www.element51.com/lgms.htm

Now, I'm going to write my affirmations like Louise suggested, because I think she is on the right track with the Law of Attraction. As a matter of fact I know she's right. Back in 1999, I started writing affirmations because I was going through a tough time. I had just bought (at a friend's suggestion) her book, You Can Heal Your Life and had finished reading Catherine Ponder's book The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity which really believes in affirmations. I must have filled 2 large notebooks with different affirmations that I wrote 15 times each. At the time I was going through some difficult crap and writing the affirmations over and over was actually calming and meditative. Looking back, I see that a lot of my affirmations came true. I haven't written affirmations for about 3 years now, and you know, I think it's time to pick up that pen again.

The Secret

When I first read The Secret I thought what a load of simplistic crap--knee jerk reaction I know. It's premise is: focus on what you want and you will get it. Visualize it and it will happen, blah blah blah.

Well, I want to be a published author of supernatural fiction, but after a few false starts I realized I wasn't getting anywhere in the world of authorship. Didn't really have a story outline or anything. I don't think I'm very good at sentence structure. Ernest Hemingway is not in my blood. So much for visualizing me finishing a super great novel. Booooo The Secret.

But wait a minute. I'm writing this blog...6 months ago I didn't even know what blogs were, much less that I'd be writing one.

OK, so I'm not writing a best selling fiction novel (Dean Koontz does not have to worry about competition from me...yet).

OK I'm not published, but there are people reading this blog. Well, my family reads this blog, sometimes.

OK The Secret's law of attraction theory didn't quite work out the way I visualized, but I am writing, people are reading this (at least there is a potential that people outside my family will read this) and most important of all, I am really enjoying blogging (using my creative juices, pulp and all).

Maybe there is something to the Secret after all.

There is a saying "Do what you love, the money will follow" we'll see...

Maid Service

I've always thought it would be really great if I had a cleaning lady come in once a week to clean my house, but I never thought it would really happen, after all I am not made of money...yet...come on Law of Attraction!! Anyway, I have recently acquired a cleaning lady. My daughter Julie. She comes in once a week, I give her a list of things to do, and she does a great job, and I pay her. Times are tight for Julie these days, her hours got cut back at the store, and her summer classes (she teaches dance and is very good at it) have been reduced, so for the next month or so, she can use the extra money. It's a win win situation. I hate dusting, so Julie does it. I hate cleaning the blinds, so Julie does them (she hates it too but oh well....am I enjoying this a little too much maybe?) There will come a time soon when her store hours and dance studio hours increase and I will be happy for her despite the fact that I will lose my cleaning woman. Not to mention, my home will probably become a little more dusty.